Chapter Five – All Quiet on the Western Front

 
The chapter begins with Paul and his friends killing louse by using their fingernails.  One of Paul’s friends, Tjaden, makes a contraption out of the top of a boot-polish lid and a candle to burn the louse.  Haie’s makes a joke saying he’s going to use the fat from the louse to polish his own boots.  This is the most funny to Haie, but not so much everyone else.  The arrival of Himmelstoss has dampened everyone’s mood. 

As everyone is spending hours talking and meditating, Albert shows up with a mess-tin of beans he’s scored for himself.  Muller asks Albert what he’d do if it were suddenly peace-time.  This brings Kat, Baumer and the rest into the topic.  Albert even awakes Haie to ask him what he’d do if it was peace time.  Haie eventually admits that he’d stay with the Prussians and serve out his time as a non-com.  During their conversation, Himmelstoss appears.  But they act as though they really don't notice him standing there.  Himmelstoss engages them and is expecting respect as a superior officer, but instead, he and Tjaden get into a discourteous dialogue that ends when Tjaden moons Himmelstoss.  Himmelstoss disappears in the direction of the Orderly Room and all bust out in laughter.  Tjaden then makes himself scarce for when they come looking for him. 

Muller brings the conversation back to Albert and asks again what he’d do if it were peace time.  The discussion turns to their classmates and their teacher Kantorek.  Some poking fun of their teacher is in order and brings on more laughter.  Schooling and what to do after the war is talked about.  They conclude that nothing will be the same after war and that the war has ruined them. 

Soon the sergeant-major and Himmelstoss appear looking for Tjaden.  Noticing he’s not there and no one telling where he is, it is ordered that Tjaden should return to the Orderly Room in 10 minutes.   Tjaden is made aware of the order and disappears.  The rest gather to play cards.  That evening they each are called to the Orderly Room.  Paul explains the bed-wetting incident involving Tjaden.  In the end, Himmelstoss gets a lecture and Tjaden gets three days open arrest. 

After an hour, Paul and Kat sneak to Tjaden and Kropp and play cards.  When the card game has ended, Kat and Paul go off to get themselves a goose for roasting.  For two cigarettes they get a ride to their destination and Paul agrees to get the goose.  The getting of the goose didn’t go as smoothly as planned.  After quite a ruckus and the meeting of a bull dog, a goose is thrown over the wall.  The goose is roasted at once in a small deserted lean-to; this takes a long time and they take turns while the other sleeps.  Paul feels very close to Kat and feels peace with his presence.  Finally, the goose is done and they eat.  The remainder of the goose is wrapped up and brought to Tjaden and Kropp.  The feathers from the goose are kept and will be used to make pillows.  Dawn is approaching and Kat and Paul return to their huts.